Creativity and what drives you

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I'd like to consider myself a creative person.  I'd like to acknowledge that I'm an artist and have been for as long as I can remember.  Painting, drawing, writing poetry, creating with my hands...it's what I live for!  I began my professional career as a muse.  I got paid handsomely to inspire and co-create beauty around the world.

And yet, sometimes the muse eludes me.  Sometimes my passion falls to the side and I find myself frustrated and uninspired.  Not with my clients mind you.  I've been blessed to create a life where my passion has become my current career.  My creative juices always flow with ideas on how to help those who hire me to tell their story in a palpable and engaging way. 

But then there are the quiet times, the in between times, when I need to just CREATE.   This week, I found myself in one of those times.  I had space to allow for the freedom to not fight time, to actually conceptualize something that I wasn't being paid for. 

To make something completely for the art of it. 

A treasure, that as a solopreneur with two businesses in the bay area, I rarely allow time for.  

So this week, I listened to that voice in my head that keeps getting louder.  The one that has been encouraging me to go back to my roots.  My photography began from self portraits.  True story... I received my first camera because a dear friend who had hired me to model for an art project had left me alone too long in the studio.  I got bored and picked up his camera.  I began with curiosity and a knowing that I couldn't fail because it was just for fun.  Ten years later, those images are still some of my favorites.   But this day was different.

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My free time found me with the desire, but I lacked the inspiration.  

I knew I wanted to use my creativity just for me but had zero idea where to start.  I flipped through photo books and cruised pinterest and did all the things I tell my clients to do, but nothing came to me.   I was feeling wholly unsatisfied and had no desire to be in front of the camera.  As I sat, with the light of my day to play coming to the end, my hands began to ache. 

My wrists were throbbing and I feared my worst nightmare.  Carpal tunnel could ruin everything.  But instead of allowing for the fear to take over and steamroll my potential fun, I sat in stillness.  I listened with curiosity, as intently to myself as I do to my clients.  I waited for the muse.  

I listened and the voice returned and said,

"Just use your hands"

Ah, to create. It's like breathing.  My hands had been aching to just create! Not throbbing in pain, but from frustration of being shoved in pockets where fun was not being reached.  The whole session lasted maybe 15 minutes but that was all I needed. 

A Reset.  The space and time to listen and be heard.  

What began as a desire to just make art, transformed in to a journey of self discovery and challenge of my creativity to see what I could create from a place where I had no idea what I wanted to say.  I want to share this story because this is a bigger part of the work I'm being called to do.  

The Essence Project was created to help women own their beauty and give a voice to those quiet parts within themselves that may not be fully visible. I'm opening some time in my schedule to create with YOU.  If you feel called to explore some hidden parts within yourself and be seen fully in your expression, come be curious with me. We'll create a tangible gift of presence. 

Let's talk.  I want to help share your story.  

https://candacesmithphotography.as.me/essence

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